Week 2

I hope you had a good start with Week 1!
There is a lot to ponder about setting aside time for each other, isn’t there? You may find it awkward to suddenly tell your spouse to set time aside to build your relationship. Start with something simple. Planning for an evening at the movie could be a good start.

The reality is that time is a must ingredient for building stronger marriage. Wherever you are at in your marriage life, you can build upon it. This takes time to do so.

Keep this in mind while we move to Week 2 on the marriage moment of honesty.

Honesty…

A woman stood in front of a mirror.  She said to her husband, "I'm fat, wrinkled, & ugly. It's so depressing. Please say something to make me feel better." He replied, "Your eyesight is perfect."

Honesty, A Vital Pillar

Honesty is a key value that Apostle Paul expounds on.

Ephesians 4:15, ‘Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times-speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly --and so become more and more in every way like Christ who is the Head of his body, the Church.

Ephesians 4:25. ‘Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves.’

Dishonesty destroys a key pillar that holds up the marriage.

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr, (http://www.marriagebuilders.com) explains the importance of honesty in marriage this way.

[Honesty and Openness is one of the ten most important emotional needs identified in marriage, which means that when it's met, it can trigger the feeling of love. But its counterpart, dishonesty, is one of the five most destructive Love Busters. When spouses are dishonest, they destroy the love they have for each other.

But there is a third reason that honesty is crucial in marriage. Honesty is the only way that you and your spouse will ever come to understand each other. Without honesty, the adjustments that are crucial to the creation of compatibility in your marriage cannot be made. Without honesty, your best efforts to resolve conflicts will be wasted because you will not understand each other well enough to find mutually acceptable solutions.]

He even calls for a policy of radical honesty to be upheld. You may want to discover more about this here.

How Much Is Too Much?

Being honest to our spouse does not mean having to tell everything in one go. There is the issue of one’s readiness to receive the information. As long as you are not trying to deceive and lie, keeping the information back for a more suitable time is wise. 

Should I Agree Not To Tell?

What happens when someone comes to you, wanting to tell you a secret and asking you not to tell your spouse about it? Should you agree to that?

This is a trap many people fall into. If you accede to such a proposition, you risk losing the trust of your spouse when he/she finds out the matter from someone else and discovers that you have been covering this up from him/her.

The better response to such a request to keep a secret is to tell the person that you and your spouse are one and do not keep such secrets from one another and that if he/she could not trust your spouse to know the information, it is better that he/she not share it with you.

Worth Thinking About

Commentator Albert Barnes has this to say about Ephesians 4:15, ‘…speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.’

The truth is "to be spoken" - the simple, unvarnished truth. This is the way to avoid error, and this is the way to preserve others from error. In opposition to all trick, and art, and cunning, and fraud, and deception, Christians are to speak the simple truth, and nothing but the truth. Every statement which they make should be unvarnished truth; every promise which they make should be true; every representation which they make of the sentiments of others should he simple truth. "Truth is the representation of things as they are;" and there is no virtue that is more valuable in a Christian than the love of simple truth.

The second thing is, that the truth should be spoken "in love." There are other ways of speaking truth. It is sometimes spoken in a harsh, crabby, sour manner, which does nothing but disgust and offend. When we state truth to others, it should he with love to their souls, and with a sincere desire to do them good. When we admonish a brother of his faults, it should not be in a harsh and unfeeling manner, but in love.

… if we go to convince one who is in error, we should approach him in love. We should not dogmatize, or denounce, or deal out anathemas. Such things only repel. "He has done about half his work in convincing another of ERROR who has first convinced him that he LOVES him;" and if he does not do that, he may argue to the hour of his death and make no progress in convincing him.

Worth Praying About

A prayer that you might want to use.

Lord, I pray for my husband/wife to uphold high levels of honesty, truthfulness and honour that are never breached nor changed under pressure from the world. Enable him/her to live in truth at all times. Create in him/her wisdom and a spirit that is tuned to Your voice. Give him/her the understanding that a man/woman of integrity pleases Your heart.

Give him/her a heart that is quick to confess his/her mistakes.  Do not let him/her be deceived.  Let mercy and truth pierce deeply into his/her heart and he/she will receive favour from You and man (Proverbs 3: 3,4). 

Worth Doing

Two things you can talk to each other about this week…

1.    One great experience during the childhood.

2.    Who was the favourite teacher.