Marriage Moments

Week 10

Welcome Note

A ‘silent-type’ spouse can really feel stifled and drained by incessant conversation of a ‘won’t-stop-talking-type’ spouse. The feeling could be similar to what the writer of Proverbs 27:15 describes.

A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can't turn it off, and you can't get away from it. (The Message)

Much ground has been covered last week regarding the hows on dealing with differences in the needs for conversation.

It’s Just Too Much To Handle……..

 A common strategy used by the spouse who is overwhelmed by the partner’s badgering to talk more is stonewalling. A typical scene is the man covering himself with a newspaper, ignoring what his wife is trying to say to him and hoping that his action would ultimately stop his wife’s insistency. It is an act of disengaging oneself from another in communication. Stonewalling can easily be used by the wife too.

That kind of counteraction is not advisable as it is destructive to the marital relationship in the long-run.

Again, we ask that you roll up the sleeves and work on the issue. Do not let the situation fester further.

Apart from the 6 suggestions listed in this week’s reading, one advice you should consider is to start the habit of setting aside a scheduled time when the two of you can just spend unhurried time together once a week or once every fortnight doing things together and talking about issues.

Usually, this is hard to start, especially with the myriad of things that you need to do with the limited time on hand. If you are dealing with the situation where your spouse’s way of conversation irritates you greatly, tell yourself it is worth all the efforts to work on it before it does further damage to your marriage.

Take each of the listed suggestions and be creative about doing something to that effect. For instance, with suggestion No.5, schedule a time to go away for a few days just to be together, doing things that both of you would enjoy.

On the suggestion of using the timer for the time to talk, I am not sure if this will work for you. One alternative is to state a time of the day of the week where you can commit to spend time to talk about the differences in the need to talk.

Worth Thinking About

Yes, as the writer of Ecclesiastes says so pointedly, there is ‘…a time to be silent and a time to speak,…’ (Eccl. 3:7).

Ask yourself the question whether you are handling the communication aspect of your relationship with your spouse right at the present time. Are you right on that ‘time’ – time to be silent or to speak more?

Worth Praying

 “Search me, O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties” (Psalm 139: 23). Deliver me from negative emotions and show me and break those inherited strongholds such as attitudes, fears, prejudices and depression in my life. Lord, heal and deliver me from these negative emotions.  Lord, “enlighten my darkness” (Psalm 18:28) and give me rest from sorrow and fear (Isaiah 14:3).

Give me breakthroughs as I seek to learn to communicate better with my husband/wife.

Worth Doing

 Find a moment this week to ask yourself whether you are a ‘silent-type’ spouse or ‘won’t-stop-talking-type’ spouse, and why you handle conversation with your spouse in that way. Try to probe deeper on the whys and see what you will discover about yourself.